Enough of Me
by Moon Raven2
Summary: Taking place right after Darien breaks up with Serena in Sailor MoonR, this is a songfic that explores her feelings.


Enough of Me (1/1)  
Raven Moon (aka, M is for Mars)  
Rated PG  
Email: mrbeanrulz@aol.com  
My Always Rambling Comments, Notes and Disclaimers:  
First of all, the characters within the Universe of Sailor Moon are not  
mine. Oh well. A girl can always dream, can't she? :)  
  
Yikes! This is my first ever Serena/Darien fic! I've always figured  
that there are plenty enough stories out there devoted to the Dinamic  
Duo, and there's no sense beating a dead horse... right? Well, wrong,  
apparently. Here I am throwing my two cents in.  
  
This is a little different, because I'm a little different, and I just  
don't go for mushy Serena/Darien romance. The dead horse thing again.  
Anyway, as you may or may not have guessed, the title comes from that new  
Melissa Etheridge song of the same name. (Yes, this is a song fic. Run  
now.) It's unusual for me to use a song that is actually played on the radio  
in one of my stories - in fact, I think this is the first time I ever have -  
but I just *love* this song! However, I don't own it, and no infringement  
is intended. Blahblah. Oh, and another milestone: my first SM story  
in first person! (and there was much rejoicing)  
  
The story takes place in SMR, right after Darien the Dummy breaks up with  
Serena. She's dragged herself out of the phonebooth and is on her way home,  
and this is pretty much what I think she might be thinking. I've only seen  
this episode once, so I really don't know it very well, and I could be way,   
way off in the course of events, so bear with me.   
  
Oh, and this is TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT from anything I've written  
before. Please don't get confused. Also, if you like this story - or if  
you hate it - please write and tell me about it. And come visit my lovely,  
recently revamped website at http://www.geocities.com/mrbeanrulz.geo  
  
Outward and onward, my lovelies.  
-----------------  
Enough of Me (1/1)  
-----------------  
  
Not hungry. Couldn't eat even if I was. Not thirsty. My throat  
is dry, but I'm not thirsty. Pain. My head hurts. My eyes hurt.  
Most of all, my heart hurts. No, that's wrong... my heart is gone.   
The place where my heart used to be hurts. It aches with a deep,   
abysmal emptiness. He tore it out of me. He tore my heart out and   
threw it on the floor as though it were nothing, as though I could feel   
no pain. When did he turn so cold? When did he stop loving me?  
  
"We were all wounded in some domestic war;  
I found you to settle my score."  
  
It reminds me of how things used to be, back before we knew the truth.   
I tried to hate him, tried with all my heart, but it didn't work. I   
loved him then, despite my best efforts. It's so strange... we fought  
so often, but I knew from the first moment I saw him that he was   
someone special, someone I could fall in love with. That's wrong  
too... I *did* fall in love with him the first moment I saw him,   
holding my crumpled up test paper in his hand. Big, dumb jerk.  
  
"You looked like father,  
You felt like mother;  
My mind told my heart,  
'There is no other.'"  
  
Perhaps that's part of the problem. Not him being a jerk, I mean, but  
the fact that I've always loved him. How literal is that?! We've been  
in love for centuries without even knowing it. We're destined to be   
together. Perhaps he's just frightened. Perhaps he's wanting to... I  
don't know, explore his options. Why? Am I not enough for him?  
  
"And I gave you my soul   
And every ounce of control.  
And I gave you my skin  
And my original sin."  
  
Maybe I'm too young. Maybe I cry too much, or don't do well enough in   
school, or loose it too often in battle. My cheeks still sting with  
shame when I remember my first battle as Sailor Moon, the way I cried   
and whined. But no, that can't be it! Darien has seen me break down   
before, sometimes with good reason and sometimes not, but he never   
made fun of me for it.  
  
"And I gave you my pride   
And my side,  
All my pride!  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
All I've ever wanted is to be there for him. I want to make him happy,  
I want to be everything he needs. I don't understand what I've done wrong!  
Why won't he even *talk* to me about it? He was just so cold...  
  
"I turned your dreams into lightning;  
Ain't that enough!?  
I held the world back for you;  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
I love him! Gods, it breaks my heart how much! I love him... and   
apparently he doesn't love me back.   
  
"I loved you past the point of dying;  
Ain't that enough of me... for you?"  
  
Could it be the other senshi? Not his relationship with Raye, we've   
talked about that...I just mean... he's so private, and our relationship   
is so *public*. I thought we were stronger than that. Was I so   
completely deluded that I didn't even see his discomfort? I don't  
know...  
  
"I was so sure one and one gave you one;  
My noisy love was coming undone."  
  
So rather than talk to me he just runs away? He shuts me out and breaks  
my heart? Some great solution, Darien! Maybe I should just forget  
about him and move on. Maybe he isn't worth it. Maybe we *aren't*   
meant to be together.   
  
"Now you leave like father,  
Disappointed like mother,  
And I know in my heart there is no other."  
  
Right. Queen Serenity sent us one thousand years into the future so we  
could have some stupid fight and break up. It was her intention to  
cause us heartache and pain, and she knew all along that we weren't  
meant to be in love. Good idea, Serena.  
  
"And I gave you my soul   
And every ounce of control.  
And I gave you my shame   
And my eternal flame."  
  
I need him! I hate that! I don't want to *need* someone in order  
to... to... well, to do anything! But it's too late. Damn him.  
  
"And I gave you my need   
And my seed,  
All my need!  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
OK. Let's look at this logically: if he doesn't want me, what *does*  
he want? To be a doctor? Worthy goal. Perhaps he just felt   
overwhelmed having to deal with a girlfriend *and* school. He's not   
like me; he studies. He works hard and makes good grades; it's  
important to him. I never meant to be a *distraction*. All I wanted  
was to help him, to make him stronger with my presence and my love.  
  
"I turned your dreams into lightning;  
Ain't that enough!?  
I held the world back for you;  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
Beryl destroyed the world over love for him. I died over love for him.  
Would I die again? Hai. Instantly, without fear or question. Would  
he die for me? I used to think so... now I'm not so sure.  
  
"I loved you past the point of dying;  
Ain't that enough of me... for you?"  
  
What is he so afraid of? Does he think *I* would ever leave *him*? No!  
What have I ever done to make him think something like that? But, then   
again, what have I ever done to make him want to break up with me?  
  
"Why can't you hold on!?!"  
  
I've never given as much of myself as I've given to him.  
  
"And I gave you my soul   
And every ounce of control.  
And I gave you my skin   
And my original sin."  
  
I've never opened up to anyone the way I've opened up to him.  
  
"And I gave you my shame   
And my eternal flame.  
And I gave you my pride   
And I gave you my side."  
  
I've never needed anyone as much as I've needed him.  
  
"And I gave you my need   
And my seed,  
All my need!  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
Why did he do this?  
  
"I turned your dreams into lightning;  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
What does he want from me?!  
  
"I held the world back for you;  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
What more must I do? How can I show him how much he means to me?  
  
"I loved you past the point of dying;  
Ain't that enough of me... for you?"  
  
I'll wait. I'll be patient, and I won't press him.  
  
"All your dreams into lightning!  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
Eventually he'll realize his mistake. He'll come around.  
  
"I held the world back for you!  
Ain't that enough!?"  
  
He'll remember how much I love him. He'll see how much he's hurt me,  
and he'll feel it as much as I do now. He'll pick my heart up off the  
floor and restore it to the way it was before all of this.  
  
"I loved you past the point of dying!  
Ain't that enough of me... for you?"  
  
He loves me, I know he does. He's just having some trouble seeing it  
right now. One morning he'll wake up and realize how much he misses  
me. Just wait. You'll see. Darien and I aren't over yet. And   
what's a relationship without its ups and downs, right? Right.  
  
Now if I could just convince myself of it.  
-----------------  
End 1/1 


End file.
